That magic moment

27

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.”

Saul Bellow, Canadian-American writer

I am trying to convince my wife that we should sell everything we own and spend it all on Megabucks tickets. After all, have you seen the numerous commercials on television that spread the appearance of every ticket holder winning that big prize? Amazingly I have never seen a loser in those commercials, so I really hope that I can convince my wife and then we will have the most amazing lifestyle that most people never get to suffer. Sadly, suffer we will, because we started playing the lottery when it first began in Maine and were pleasantly surprised when we won 40 bucks the one and only time.

We have played every game imaginable like PowerBall, Megabucks and only God knows what else, along with going to casinos both in Maine and outside of Maine as well. Yes, we did have a couple of really great wins in a casino or two but nothing we would have to pay taxes on. In the end we go to a casino for the atmosphere with an inkling of hope to break even with the money we spend on gambling. Of course we both know that the best thing that happened is that we paid for someone’s salary that day. So how in the world do I convince my wife to spend all of our money on those as-advertised winning Megabucks tickets?

As if there could be nothing better, there will be another citizen initiative on the ballot in November (at least if I am right) for another casino in southern Maine. That is, if one doesn’t consider the casino in Oxford to be in northern Maine. You know, Maine is kind of that funny place where people go down to go up and so forth, which is very confusing for those of us who don’t get high on eating lobsters fed on marijuana. Please be careful when someone advertises about their meats being fed on grass. Or was that Colorado? Things sometimes get kind of hazy. That’s probably the reason it took the state of Maine such a long period of time to figure out that the citizen initiative for another casino in Maine might just benefit one person if the stories in the news are factual.

Then again, the State of Maine Lottery Commission (I guess it’s called that) is using an out-of-state bank from Massachusetts to do their checking. I don’t know, maybe someone in Augusta believes Maine is still part of Massachusetts. How do I know? I recently won $1,000 on a scratch ticket and my wife was so kind to go to Augusta to get the check. Have Maine banks become so expensive that the state of Maine has to use an out-of-state bank for their checking? I thought that our tax dollars should be used to support companies located in the state instead of outside. What’s even worse is that in many countries lottery winnings are tax free.

Maybe there’s another way someone can become rich in Windham or even Raymond for that matter. I skimmed over the school and municipal budgets to see if there was any evidence of state revenue sharing for the town or our joint school system. I couldn’t find any, but then again what do I know? It will be interesting to see the new state budget if and when the political crap stops in Augusta and common sense finally happens for a brief minute or two. Then I will begin the search to find out if Windham received any money from the state. Do I dare say finders keepers if someone finds it?

So I have it figured out that by the time this column hits the street my wife and I will be multimillionaires. She should be in Connecticut that day, which means she should have purchased lottery tickets in Massachusetts and Connecticut as well. I can’t imagine the money we’ll have.

Lane Hiltunen of Windham wants to finally retire, even if he is going broke.